Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Old Candy Critic Articles - Candy Critic for a day Part 1

I've decided to take down several old articles from the and re-post them here on the Candy Critic blog.  This week and next, I'm posting an old article I wrote where I invited a few friends of mine to participate in some of the trials and tribulations I go through when I'm doing a review.

Let me guess, you want to write me an e-mail and tell me how much you would love to do what I do, how cool it would be to eat all this candy and try treats only some people could imagine. Well for the most part your right, this is not a bad racket, but with the good comes the bad. The bad in this case is the awesome risk you take biting into something that you can't even read the package, or eating something with a character on it that would be better off dead than the state he's in. You're not the only people who want to be Candy Critics, my "real friends" tell me this all the time. They tell me how much they would love to do a review, and how great it must be. Sometimes I let my friends review treats with me and they always want to review their already favourite treats, they never go out on a limb.

Revenge is a dish better served cold, man that's a dumb expression, but it works. So today I'm calling some of my buddies out and the challenge will begin. This is how it works. Each contestant/reviewer picks the name of a candy out of a hat. Then they must eat the treat and write a single sentence about what's going through their minds. If a contestant refuses a candy or spits it out before their next turn, they are out and will forever be branded a 'wuss'. So let the game begin...



What can I say about Morgan... He keeps telling me that he doesn't eat that many sweets, but he's the first to grab any new treats I might offer. Why do I think he's great for this contest. Well he's got an opinion, and for the love of god he'll let everybody know it. Morgan's opinion is not always mine, but I'm guaranteed that it's logical, because he's a very thorough thinker.


Sam is a contestant because he fits the bill of the classic Candy Critic wannabe. He tells me how much he would love to eat candy like I do, and he even asked to do a review. Just like the many other people that ask to do reviews he asked to do a review of his favourite treat (the Mr.Big). So here you go Sam now your doing what I do, see how you like it.


Frank was a late entry into this contest but he is a sure fire candy fanatic. Why did I ask him to participate? Well, Frank's a good guy and to be honest he was around, so I thought he would make a perfect contestant.

Chris (That's me by the way)

At first I thought I would not participate in this game, only because I have nothing to prove. I know I can taste odd candies, and I've proven it over and over again. What changed my mind? Well these guys accused me of wimping out and I am no wimp.

Round 1:

Morgan - Warheads Sour Spray "Grape"

"Hint of sweet but mostly sour juice."

Sam - Cadbury Choc Shocks

"Me like. Mouth tingling! Like macaroon... on acid"

Frank - Warheads Sour Spray "Grape"

"Where's the sour? Sour drool.!!"

Chris - Warheads Sour Spray "Grape"

"Nice and fruity with a sour taste."

Round 2:

Morgan - Warheads Torture Scorcher

"Initially Spicy

- takes a second to kick in, then gets sweeter, raspberry."

Sam - Japanese Yogurt Chew

"Gotta love Japanese candy... like a rainbow in my mouth!... But a Japanese rainbow... Made out of yogurt."

Frank - Warheads Torture Scorcher

"Instant heartburn. Quickly loses its zing and becomes typical candy (lemon)"

Chris - Altoids Tangerine Sours

"Sour at first, but mmm mmm fruit later."

Round 3:

Morgan - Japanese Yogurt Chew

"Fruit Chew

- like Starburst"

Sam - Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean

"Yumsters in my tumster."

Frank - Warheads Torture Scorcher

"Strong but brief initial kick. (Raspberry)"

Chris - I Love Lucy "Predicamints"

"Although minty it has some kind of crazy chalky taste too."

Round 4:

Morgan - Warheads Torture Scorcher

"Very Spicy

- Cherry does not get sweet, stays spicy"

Sam -  Japanese Yogurt Chew

"(oh yeah... you can eat it!) Still a rainbow!"

Frank - Warheads Torture Scorcher

"Hot Orange sucker (tangerine)"

Chris - I Love Lucy "Predicamints"

"Still minty"

Round 5:

Morgan - Asian Grape Gummy

"Very soft gummy with good grape flavour."

Sam - Asian Grape Gummy

"OK... I've had 5 really good candies in a row and now I'm really getting worried something is going to go wrong. (Frankie is beside me and he got like, 4 Torture Scorchers... I'm scared)."

Frank - Warheads Torture Scorcher

"(Cherry) Little scorch by the 4th time around."

Chris - Asian Grape Gummy

"It seems to have more of a grape juice taste than any real grape."

To Be Continued Next Week...


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