Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Old Candy Critic Articles - Candy Peelin'

I've decided to take down several old articles from the and re-post them here on the Candy Critic blog.  This week, I'm re-publishing an article written by contributing candy writer Tamara Klein.  She gives us some great examples of how to take apart your favorite treat.

How to eat a peanut butter M&M the "candy peeler's" way: Crack outer shell with teeth, peel off remains of candy coated shell with fingers, remove intact peanut butter oval (must be intact) and set aside...repeat four times, stack all five peanut butter circles together and eat whole.

Sound strange to you? If so, maybe you've never had the neurotic pleasure of eating your candy as a slow dissection experiment, piece by piece, layer by layer, or peel by peel, thus stretching out your experience and truly knowing your candy inside and out. Come on - admit there's something out there you get a twisted pleasure from taking apart and eating.

I've been a self-titled "candy peeler" for as long as I can remember. I simply refuse to eat my candy by biting it whole, swallowing, and then forgetting the whole affair. Nothing can deter me from my strange ways. Messy fingers? So you wash them. Strange looks? I'm used to them. I can remember the raised eyebrows in my 8th grade Literature class when I used to cut my Starbursts into four pieces with a sharp compass and eat one one piece every 15 minutes - turning my fruit chew delight into an hour long process. And as the years have passed, I've gone from bad to worse, and the taunts of "freak" and "starburst girl" have graduated into, "Does she do this with all foods?" (yes, some) and "Does she have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?" (no, not last time I checked) But hey, I've learned to just smile, continue to examine my candy's innards, and retort that I'm just sensitive with my candy. I like to examine every part of it and consume it with appreciation and respect, not reckless abandon.

Now maybe you're wondering if I'm insane to put so much effort into simply eating candy....or maybe you're thinking, "Hey, I kinda relate..what treats do YOU find best to peel?" This is, of course, a personal and subjective journey,finding where your strange need to play with your food lies. There are some hints though: Things that pull and peel, layered wafers, candy fillings, chewy centers - I've always found that the term "candy center" is of particular intrigue to us candy peelers because it presents a definitive fruity, chewy, nutty, or peanut buttery goal for us to explore our ways to.

Some examples of my common methods:

KitKats - They have layers. I need not say more.

Combos - Eat surrounding cracker or pretzel and produce intact center cheese victory.

A Smartie - Crack shell in your mouth and peel it off with tongue, suck on naked chocolate oval.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup or Twix Bar - Bite off chocolate edges, scrape off top layer with teeth, finish with remaining naked cookie or peanut butter mound.

Ahh, nothing like the tasty, fresh remains of dissected candy.

And remember, the fresher the candy, the better the peel. Imagine ripping off grayed chocolate to reveal old, crumbly peanut butter, or trying to break a hard cold Starburst into four neurotic pieces. It's enough to make you want to eat whole and not dissect. Maybe you can think of more, but I've only found ONE exception to the fresh rule after years of strip searching candy - Easter marshmallow peeps. Cause let's face it - whether they're soft and new or hard and older, starting your candy adventure by biting off a chicken or bunny head never gets old.

I often wonder if more people are like me in my candy eating ways or not. If I ask friends, most will have an example or knowing smile. Perhaps they're just being polite? And if there are many of you out there, you are probably the same people who poured Elmer's glue on your hands as a child, let it dry, then peeled it off, just because.

But obviously it's considered strange because I'm always asked why I feel the need to waste my time with it and why didn't I outgrow this habit after age nine like most people. And I always ask back, "Why eat your candy whole and with haste? It was put on this planet for you to enjoy any way you want. Now give me another tasty wafer, you boring conformist."

If you want your candy eating experience to be a truly memorable, inside out experience that truly stands the test of time, peel, break, examine, savor.



Tamara Camera said...

I came across this today because I was remembering how much fun it was to write this. It was my "first article". I'm now a full-fledged blogger and I wanted to remember this.
Hope you're still eating great candy and that you're doing well!

Chris Stewart said...

It's good to hear from you, where are you writing now? I'm still reviewing, but also doing a lot of other writing and working on my second book.

Tamara Camera said...

I never saw this comment but I wonder if you're still writing? I'm writing at and still TOTALLY eating my candy this way.

Chris Stewart said...

Still writing all the time. Working on books right now. Good to see you're still at it.