Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Old Candy Critic Articles - Candy Critic for a day Part 2

I've decided to take down several old articles from the and re-post them here on the Candy Critic blog.  This week and next, I'm posting an old article I wrote where I invited a few friends of mine to participate in some of the trials and tribulations I go through when I'm doing a review.

Let me guess, you want to write me an e-mail and tell me how much you would love to do what I do, how cool it would be to eat all this candy and try treats only some people could imagine. Well for the most part your right, this is not a bad racket, but with the good comes the bad. The bad in this case is the awesome risk you take biting into something that you can't even read the package, or eating something with a character on it that would be better off dead than the state he's in. You're not the only people who want to be Candy Critics, my "real friends" tell me this all the time. They tell me how much they would love to do a review, and how great it must be. Sometimes I let my friends review treats with me and they always want to review their already favourite treats, they never go out on a limb.

Revenge is a dish better served cold, man that's a dumb expression, but it works. So today I'm calling some of my buddies out and the challenge will begin. This is how it works. Each contestant/reviewer picks the name of a candy out of a hat. Then they must eat the treat and write a single sentence about what's going through their minds. If a contestant refuses a candy or spits it out before their next turn, they are out and will forever be branded a 'wuss'. So let the game begin...



What can I say about Morgan... He keeps telling me that he doesn't eat that many sweets, but he's the first to grab any new treats I might offer. Why do I think he's great for this contest. Well he's got an opinion, and for the love of god he'll let everybody know it. Morgan's opinion is not always mine, but I'm guaranteed that it's logical, because he's a very thorough thinker.


Sam is a contestant because he fits the bill of the classic Candy Critic wannabe. He tells me how much he would love to eat candy like I do, and he even asked to do a review. Just like the many other people that ask to do reviews he asked to do a review of his favourite treat (the Mr.Big). So here you go Sam now your doing what I do, see how you like it.


Frank was a late entry into this contest but he is a sure fire candy fanatic. Why did I ask him to participate? Well, Frank's a good guy and to be honest he was around, so I thought he would make a perfect contestant.

Chris (That's me by the way)

At first I thought I would not participate in this game, only because I have nothing to prove. I know I can taste odd candies, and I've proven it over and over again. What changed my mind? Well these guys accused me of wimping out and I am no wimp.

Round 6:

Morgan - Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean

"Wants to be fruity (orange) but is bland."

Sam - Asian Grape Gummy

"Good thing I got it again... cuz I forgot to write about it last round... It's good! (Frank got another Torture Scorcher)."

Frank - Warheads Torture Scorcher

"(tangerine) Scorch varies from piece to piece."

Chris - Asian Grape Gummy

"Still Grapey."

Round 7:

Morgan - Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean


- Ends blandly"

Sam - Altoids Tangerine Sours

"First it's like a tiny tangerine in my mouth... Then it's like, really sour for a couple of seconds... Then it returns to a tangerine flavour."

Frank - Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean

"A nice little jujube, grapefruit rocks! Flavourful."

Chris - I Love Lucy "Predicamints"

"My breath is already to dam fresh."

Round 8:

Morgan - Warheads Torture Scorcher


- This Time

- Very spicy right away stays spicy."

Sam - Cadbury Choc Shocks

"Still rockin' and poppin'... Could do without the popping part."

Frank - Cadbury Choc Shocks

"Didn't fizz much."

Chris - I Love Lucy "Predicamints"

"Why god why?"

Round 9:

Morgan - Altoids Tangerine Sours

"Lightly sour with orange hint."

Sam -  Cadbury Choc Shocks

"I swallowed it fast... and now my throat is tingly."

Frank - Asian Grape Gummy

"Been there done that, but nice grape flavour."

Chris - Thrills Gum

"Of all the candies this was one I normally don't like and guess what? I still don't like them now."

Round 10:

Morgan - Japanese Yogurt Chew

"Fruit Chew again

- doesn't know what favor it wants to be."

Sam - Warheads Sour Spray "Grape"

"It hits me like an elementary school memory... Something really synthetic about it besides being really sour... no real taste."

Frank - I Love Lucy "Predicamints"

"A good but typical mint, cool."

Chris - Warheads Sour Spray "Grape"

"Too much mint and spray is making my eyes water, so cold."

Well I guess I have to admit my buddies are not wussy at all, and I guess they can take some of the heat. You think you can take it, well maybe next year I'll try it again, you could even be a contestant, but you never know what I might pull out of my hat.


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